i keep telling everyone i’m more woman than man

>needed sandals, spent weeks going to Goodwill until I finally found a non-girly pair that fit!
>a few weeks later:
>mfw go to closet, gather at least eight pairs of shoes that I know I’m never going to wear again (half I bought cuz they looked neat then only wore 2-4 times) for dropping off at Goodwill, and under the giant pile find I had a pair of sandals all this time Continue reading “i keep telling everyone i’m more woman than man”

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gimme food

Oh boy. This will be the first week I’ve power-walked on my work commute every day and man am I hungry! Even mixing in ground flax into my daily 4-lb broccoli and an extra ~1/2 cup peanut butter mixed into my daily ~1/4-gallon / 1-liter homemade Greek yogurt (which normally already has ~1/4 cup mix of ground chia and hemp) and I still keep getting sooo hoooongry more often than not that I “need” to stop by CVS or BP for a pint of ice cream or bag of beef jerky just so I don’t feel like fainting on the way home (much harder to practice mindfulness/walking meditation when I’m struggling against yet another hunger knock)… only reason I didn’t pig out last night is I snacked on maybe 400-500 calories of parmesan tilapia from work before leaving. Maybe spending most of my free time reading books about Buddhism is overtraining my brain! And maybe listen to the… instructor (don’t know the proper name for “person at Buddhist ‘temple’ who leads meditation and teaches”) and the Buddha’s parable of the poisoned arrow in regards to less reading, more meditation — but I’m addicted to books right now…

buddhism as psychotherapy

Though I may never reach “enlightenment/awakening” in this life, if instead of crossing the river I end up making this a houseboat, at least I can try training my brain to result in becoming less of a neurotic, self-conscious, sorry sadsack most the time so living sucks a little less, then maybe I can get back to bodybuilding, learning Japanese, and so on with less triggering of my chronic depression & anxiety…

worship the chinese goddess yao chi

A short summary of events:

1) Last Wednesday, had biannual tooth cleaning. While waiting to get a tooth pulled, with a huge cavity that was too late to fill so it was either root canal or pull. And I had maybe a dime-sized lump of pain for almost a month prior.

2) Thursday morning, wake up to a golf-ball-sized lump full of pain. Call dentist, get back in, get put on amoxicillan.

3) For the next five days, dutifully take amoxi; it does nothing, lump grows to half a tennis ball, I look like those cartoon grandmas, even breathing hurts.

4) During this time have cycling accident. I barely feel it because the pain in my jaw is that intense; my entire shin was drenched with blood and I gave not one whit as I was walking back to my work building (it happened after clocking out and leaving) to go clean it and ask someone for a gauze bandage or something when one of the security/EMT people spotted my bloody leg and was all <em>AW HELL NAH!</em> and brought me to the medical room to doctor me up while I filled out an injury report.

5) Yesterday I call dentist again; they put me on penicillin. In just a day and a half the lump is roughly the size of a quarter and it no longer hurts to just open or close my mouth fully.

6) But now I’m really noticing the pain in my knee from the cycling accident; grunting and straining with ache just standing up or sitting down, can’t walk without limping and wincing. Also, the penicillin is giving me splitting headaches so I can barely bike to/from work with any effort, have to go slow or else the exertion will make my head pound like a jackhammer. It’s always somethin’.