feels good to vomit

Spewing nasty rancid thoughts on blogs and forums then just chilling for an hour or two does a lot to take a load off the mind and make one feel better! Still popping painkillers like candy, still slathering almost as much cold-hot cream as mustard on hot dogs, but maybe I just needed to sit quietly and do nothing for a while to calm the nerves for the first time in almost a week.

Sucks that the MRI is going to cost $100 up-front and who knows what other bills I’ll get in the mail a month or three afterwards, but eh. Better than buying a limited-edition figurine of a cute anime girl I guess.

riding ever onward

Dropped trike off; chain stretched (I JUST GOT THAT FIXED A MONTH AGO FOR $40) and something to do with the pedals; this could cost me anywhere between $25 to $150 and I’ll be walking to and from work who knows how many days; who can say if walking or cycling is worse for my back. Speaking of my back, it’s gotten, like, real bad in the past few days; trying not to freak out, trying not to let The Bad Thoughts grip me too hard. Ranting on the Internet while my heart palpitates from too much caffeine makes me feel a bit better, same with stuffing myself silly. Sucks that one of the few things that brings me joy in life makes me fat, forever swinging between “YAY FOOD FOOD!” and “NO NO NO EATING SUPER BAD WRONG!” But oh well, if I’m to keep looking okay in loose clothes (the best I can accomplish; no Looking Good Naked(tm) for me) I’ve no choice but to exercise constant vigilance against my own monstrous gluttony so that I do not return to looking like a monster — and sucking dry most of my emotional / willpower reserves in the process so I don’t have enough left for learning a new language or going to college or talking to girls or whatever. Oh well, nuttin’ a’tall to do but shrug and stop fighting fate and accept my ruined life, just lose myself in trivialities like anime and blogging muh feewings away until I die, the tagline on my tombstone “a giant waste of what could have been like 99.999% of all humans ever, but hey at least he didn’t die obese!”. Continue reading “riding ever onward”

anti-depressants = no

I don’t trust ’em:

• They’re pushed too hard for comfort, like flu vaccinations and anti-psychotics/Ritalin/etc for little boys in the 90’s; this makes me very suspicious: “salesman behavior” raises red flags.
• I’ve seen/read/heard of too many horror stories.
• I’d have to spend months and months “pill-shopping” for one that “works”, spending hundreds of dollars and dozens of hours performing the hated Doctor-Shuffle — and who knows what side-effects and toxins I’ll be saddled with in the meanwhile.
• I at least know what bad things alcohol will do to me. (The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t.)
• Is “depression” even a thing? I’m not wholly convinced this isn’t just some made-up BS* to sell drugs so nobody has to actually, y’know, treat the problem rather than bandage the symptoms. If someone has a broken foot, would you hand them more comfortable shoes and tell them to piss off?
• I’ve personally-witnessed their total ineffectiveness — everyone I’m close to are on them and they’re each still miserable.

I’d rather feel bad than become an ADHD zombie with erectile dysfunction. That, and it would be the Ultimate Surrender: just about my entire Health & Fitness Lifestyle has been at root about not being on anti-depressants. My struggles, my pride, my one and only thing I’ve ever pursued to any measure of success, will all be taken away from me the moment I pop my first anti-depressant. No, that’s not rational — so what? Being unreasonable and loony just makes me like everyone else; and considering the stark raving hostility I’ve noted over and over against individualism, elitism, the “South Park goth” stereotype, and so forth (how else do you explain “desire to be different” used as an insult? I’ve even seen uttered “borderline critique of authority” and no, I have yet to find a more sickening phrase); isn’t that a win?

There. I’ve spelled it out in plain, pure English. You can SHUT UP about it now. Thank you. Continue reading “anti-depressants = no”

is quality paramount? or even to be considered?

First, let’s leave aside the obvious fact that no artform’s quality can nor should be objectively quantified; that subject has been beaten to death. Now then…

I have a habit of hitting Next, Next, Next on my MP3 player depending on my mood; most of the time I’m just not satisfied with whatever it throws at me. On one of my breaks, one song I passed over at that time was Great Hall Awaits A Fallen Brother by Bathory, but when it landed on Mermaid Festa Vol.1 (Kotori Mix) I let it play. Despite remembering the inability to quantify quality, I am confident in stating that there likely is no human being on Earth who, listening to both, could possibly say Great Hall Awaits A Fallen Brother (with its themes of brotherhood, glories and horrors of battle, loss, afterlife…) is worse than Mermaid Festa Vol. 1 — whether we’re speaking of the original or solo’d by one of the µ’s, this one the only out of the entire Love Live! discography IMO where all ten versions are worth keeping around; not even Snow Halation can survive the tedium of the vocals of Nozomi and Nico.

And yet, at that moment I chose to listen to Kotori’s nasally, shrill singing (Aya Uchida sounds so much better in her natural tone) along to a cheerful “seaside dance beat” full of flirty lyrics over the powerful, operatic Quorthon buoying this masterfully-crafted monolith of heavy metal’s supremacy as a musical genre.

Now why is that? Continue reading “is quality paramount? or even to be considered?”

please don’t use hershey’s nor nestle cocoa

I care about ya, man. I don’t wanna see you suffer. So in the name of the Bodhisattva Vow I tell you, if you’re gonna use cocoa powder please stay away from these:

Please don’t do this to yourself. Instead, try this. Continue reading “please don’t use hershey’s nor nestle cocoa”

anitore ex = anime that teaches the viewer how to exercise

I was cleaning out my torrents folder (ahh, feels so good to drop almost 1.5 TB from my second HD) and found a folder called “Anitore!EX” that I don’t remember getting. So I watched the first ep and it was 4 minutes of a girl (who could be anywhere from 11 to 19, because anime) talking excitedly and encouragingly to the audience about how to do pushups and crunches, and wanting to eat ice cream. Plenty of close-ups of her butt, belly, and legs throughout because no show in Japan has a hope in hell of selling if you don’t add boatloads of fanservice.

Here’s the entire first episode and you can easily find the rest (and Anitore!XX, its sequel) on YouTube and/or yarr:

Try not to cringe too hard at the poor thing struggling with half-rep pushups, “those are NOT crunches, dammit!”, “I have earned 600 calories of ice cream after my 20-calorie-burning ‘workout’”, a cutesy little song about doing your cardio, and of course the… ah… see, I’ve watched over 200 anime series so I am entirely numb to all but the worst fanservice (it takes full-frontal nudity for me to go “oh god damn it, Japan”), so what I *shrug* at would probably evoke for the rest of you, as SFDebris put it in his review of Mahromantic, “Jesus fucking Chriiiist… CAN I JUST GET THROUGH AN ANIME WITHOUT WORRYING I’M GOING TO JAIL JUST FOR WATCHING IT?!”

First 12 episodes finished in just under 50 minutes. Oh, after I finished watching I looked it up and this show’s name translates to something like “the training anime” and its plot synopsis is “”Move your soul and body!” Each episode contains a variety of routines, such as push-ups, sit-ups, spine twists, dance, yoga, stretches, trunk training, and taichi. Five girls aiming to become idols will exercise with you, and that troubling body fat percentage will go down by 1000%…!?”. Maybe I downloaded because each episode was four minutes and its theme (exercise) was relevant to my interests. Anyway, episode synopses: Continue reading “anitore ex = anime that teaches the viewer how to exercise”