bleh

It’s taken all my effort to drag myself out of bed after maybe an hour and a half hitting the Snooze button the past few days, let alone do ANY form of exercise other than walk/bike to/from work, or even go online except to check the weather and bank account and spend hours mindlessly clicking about YouTube and WEBM threads on /b/. Been living in a nearly dead haze going barely able to drag myself through the motions of work and chores and little else for weeks. Wing-wonging between existential worries about such-and-so and feeling like a zombie trying to accomplish this-that-and-the-other, I don’t know how anyone pursues any form of goal or dream when I’m like a phone on perpetual <10% power doing my best to struggle-battle to barely keep up with work and chores — I would literally pay like $75/wk for someone to do my laundry and cooking and so forth! Where do people get their vim and verve? I’d probably feel better if my system weren’t perpetually flooded with caffeine, painkillers, diphenhydramine (insomnia), and off-brand Beano and Gas-X (for the 4-6 lb broccoli and/or green beans I stuff myself sick with every work day to combat my raging appetite because I’m scared to death of getting hit by a hunger-knock “in the field” which is difficult enough — that and eating like a monster is one my very few stress-relievers and I’ve been so strung-out lately I’ve probably sunk almost $500 on cheat meals in May alone!) bu-ut if I don’t I won’t get any sleep and I couldn’t animate my body enough to do my job and if I can’t work I’ll get fired etc. etc.