Warning: this post is a giant pity-party to get something off my chest that’s been bothering me more and more over at least the past month-and-a-half. Don’t read if you don’t want your day ruined by crytarding.
Really, really sucks that having a lower back that is nearly-always-sore-or-borderline-if-I’m-not-self-conscious-about-it makes it so I’ll probably only ever achieve a 15-20% BF skinnyfat lanklet physique; no shirtless-without-shame-4-me ever.
But at least it’s world’s better than being a morbidly-obese hamplanet, right? I’ll never reach one and I’ll never make it, bruh, but at least I’ve cried-and-clawed my way to zero over the past half-decade, eh? Woo-hoo for me.
Not even considering all that, but just being in near-perpetual-pain for months on end wears down one’s nerves, energy, motivation etc. to do much beyond mope in front of a computer feeling sorry for oneself. Especially the helplessness and hopelessness stemming out the knowledge that I can never, ever afford the quarter-MILLION-dollar surgery (that has a 50% chance of leaving me a quadriplegic) that is the only way out, even if I save every post-bill-and-grocery penny for the rest of my life.
And even if I somehow do (winning the lotto or somehow escaping wageslave purgatory that entraps the 99%), so what? Still gonna have stretch marks, loose skin, ever-lurking depression, anxiety, social-development-stunting, introversion, etc. of growing up a misfit hamplanet from about ages 10 to 30. Meaning all those sexy abs and biceps would end up getting a “geek tan” spending almost all non-work/shopping/chore-time time staring into a glowing rectangle as opposed to getting a “geek tan” all over my skinnyfat lanklet physique as I do now, instead of getting a “geek tan” all over the >150 lbs of blubber I used to have.
And the only “cure” for this, as far as I can see, is to expend all my post-work-shop-chore energy & money (especially money) suppressing “the real me” and engaging in devious social-Machiavellianism like learning social-engineering and neurolinguistic-programming etc. and for obvious reasons screw all that.
CONFESSION: Not long ago, I read The Game and Rules Of The Game — along with sites/blogs like Return Of Kings and Roosh V — with the full intention of getting into PUA/learning “game”/MGTOW once I was no longer shirtless-without-shame.
Guess what happened!
Exposing myself to all that sissy macho-ape misogyny was all I needed to forever turn my back and run from (both middle fingers aimed behind me) PUA, MRA, and similar “fake-it-til-you-make-it” lifestyles (“it” being spending the rest of my life cosplaying an manipulative “alpha” liar or whatever that selfish, self-destructive Neanderthal/trickster behavior is being called these days — and for what purpose? to trick dumb diseased drunk blonds into opening their thighs for me, climbing a corporate ladder or just getting a job in the first place that pays enough to thrive and not just survive IF you don’t sink massive emotional energy and motivation into frugal living [hope you don’t get sick/injured!], and so forth) because, again, for (I hope) obvious reasons:
And because of all the the above being the apparent prerequisite for “advancement” (or just having enough scratch to thrive-not-merely-survive) or just having “true” friends in this “culture” that is seemingly extrovert-dominant, “alpha”-bully rewarding & thoughtful-quiet-“artist”-type punishing, abstractionist-NOT-materialist, spirit-less or just belief-less, money-rules-all corporate-meritocracy coupled with my disinclination and disgust at the prospect of spending my life keeping up with the Joneses instead of enjoying solo “artsy” pursuits as is my natural/nurtured state: for the rest of my life I shall be stuck as a socially-disabled, below-poverty-line, skinnyfat lanklet, never to escape either by growing just financially-affluent enough to flaunt “the rules of the game” and/or expatriating to a less “alpha/trickster”-dominant/etc nation… if such a place still exists anywhere on Earth after ~3000 years of pre- and post-Greco-Roman, Judeo-Christian imperialism systematically ruining things for the whole of the human race with its primarily anti-nature, competitive-not-cooperative, authoritarian systems of government, religion, philosophy and so forth, opposite of the then-world-standard (or at least more than half the time, maybe) before “my people” rampaged and ran roughshod all around, brandishing banners and swinging swords (more often than not in the name of a ‘loving’ God) at everyone who wasn’t as individualistic and blood-thirsty as themselves.
Because I wasn’t born rich and/or in another time, another land not actively hostile towards just-not-that-social “weirdos” (and everyone else who are “different”), I am doomed to spend 90% of my non-work/shop/chore time (of course the work being something that does not fulfill me nor employ my natural inclinations and skills because only the 1% are lucky enough to enjoy that privilege if not a genetic and/or raised and/or “connected”, business-savvy & manipulative “alpha”-bully) staring into a glowing rectangle either feeling sorry for myself, or playing video games, posting on 4chan/etc, making “artsy” stuff nobody else really cares about, etc. those rare times I can forget or at least ignore how boring and pointless is my continued existence. I am doomed to spend 90% of my post-bill/grocery/fitness-toy money on restaurants, music CD’s (never anything anyone around me is into, of course), books I’ll never read and no one around me is interested in those topics anyway, toys and figurines of comic book heroes and cute anime girls, and other pseudo-autist man-childism.
Comments disabled because I don’t wanna hear it. There’s nothing anyone can say I haven’t heard ten-thousand times already anyway.