ma’habocath has no identity

This one wasted much life worrying, “Who am I? What am I? What should I do?”

ma’habocath likes to think he is now unworried about such silliness. At least, when he is not in a foul mood, usually due to a long bout of insomnia and/or back ache (sometimes coupled with “people problems” or dealing with doctors and medical insurance companies, two other major temper-triggers) when such nasty thoughts cloud his mind.

But for the most part he has gleefully accepted he has no face, only masks he wears (rarely only one) when and where convenient, useful, interesting, entertaining, or what-have-you. Except there is Nothing (as the Hindus conceptualize) behind them.

To explain by analogy, it is like having several usernames on the Internet, across forums and chatrooms: on YouTube and Facebook, on Skype and Disqus, on any given IRC network & channel and 8ch (for “Anonymous” is still a user). And having a different name & “personality” (i.e., roleplaying like in Dungeons & Dragons) on different sites.

Except unlike all the above, there is no one “flesh-and-blood human being behind them all”, except perhaps…

It feels good to play pretend, online and off.

There is a related StrengthCamp video, about “the Elliot of this video is ‘different’ from the Hulse of that”  but ma’hab cannot find it else he’d share it here.

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Author: ma'habocath

ma'habocath knows some, tells much. ma'habocath knows few things others do. This one is a live-alone, full-time burger-flipper with an odd mind and too much to say. ma'hab always tries the best ma'hab can to keep up: • Chores • Bodybuilding and other health-nuttery • Japanese language studies • Culinary experimentation (see “other health-nuttery”) • Exploration of newfound spiritual territory • Exploration of my Self • Figuring out how to socialize well enough, mostly face-to-face • Backlogs: books, heavy metal, anime • Blogging, chatting, texting, and talking to whomever will listen about all of the above

2 thoughts on “ma’habocath has no identity”

    1. this is more-or-less how many Hindu see Creation (as relayed by Alan Watts):

      • not the Ceramic Model of the universe where everything was made as clay by potter (the Judeo-Christian world-view)

      • not the Fully-Automatic Model where everything is some great cosmic coincidence by mindless forces and elements (the capital-A Atheist from a Judeo-Christian-society world-view [ie, Atheists have the same opinion of Creation minus God, still Law but no Lawmaker])

      • but the Dramatic Model, where Brahman (Hinduism’s version of God) is as cosmic actor and stage, playing all the masks of all the thing-events of the universe including the universe itself and this Brahman is such a good actor that He can even fool Himself into thinking He’s just poor little ma’habocath type-typing away on his keyboard for his pathetic little blog about an hour before he must leave for work, and he is nothing more than poor little ma’habocath.

      and He will continue believing this fairy-tale until A) the “ma’hab mask” somehow realizes his Buddha-nature/becomes Enlightened/discovers he is “no longer I, but Christ”/or what-have-you, or much more likely to happen first: the “ma’hab mask” dies, the curtain drops, and thus Brahman awakens from the dream called “ma’hab”, only to fall asleep again. (Perhaps to dream as “a man-eating Tiger in India somewhere” or “Emperor Palpatine in a galaxy far far away”.)

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