I’m not sorry.
Though I may never reach “enlightenment/awakening” in this life, if instead of crossing the river I end up making this a houseboat, at least I can try training my brain to result in becoming less of a neurotic, self-conscious, sorry sadsack most the time so living sucks a little less, then maybe I can get back to bodybuilding, learning Japanese, and so on with less triggering of my chronic depression & anxiety…
As it turns out, speaking this book’s title in conversation is… awkward!
Also, just half-way through this and it’s made me realize that what I always thought of Alan Watts being “omg sooo deeep” was really just a simplified Made-For-Cable-TV spin of what lies in this book, which self-admits to itself being a generalized overview of thousands of pages from thousands of years of dissertations of mind, self, reality, nature, and so forth.
This stuff. It’s not a religion. It’s a declaration of war against the very foundations of everything I ever thought and felt I understood, up to and including what I honestly believe constitutes “I”. Thanks, Buddhism, for tricking me down such a vast rabbit hole and putting it into perspective just what a clueless, ignorant moron I really am!
I lied; couldn’t wait ’til tonight to share this; how appropriate that this song was what happened to be shuffled to:
…I was intending to take refugee in the Three Jewels once this arrived, but a little reading along the way proves that this cannot be done alone. Drat. Well, there’s this one place a ways away from home so maybe, hopefully, someday, I can make this Buddhism thing “official”… ah well, this leaves me plenty more time to learn what I’m getting myself into!
Spent wa-ay too much time making this horrible wallpaper as a quick reference guide:
And it still ended up barely-readable on my dumbphone:
Ah well, I had fun. Oh wait, there is no “I” oh em gee I am failing at Buddhism already!11! Continue reading “making even crappy things is fun”
I’ll be controlling my heart-beat (cardio whenever, wherever!) and levitating in no time!!
>start reading a website
music pops in my head
>”hey I should play music for real”
>open Winamp and click shuffle
>the very song that spontaneously played in my head? was the first song that began playing in Winamp, out of >500 songs in that particular playlist
I’m still a little freaked out.